Novak Djokovic's Djokovic Winery
Enjoy with goulash!
Those who know me know how much I love tennis. I want to start a family so I can leave them to play more tennis.
I am, unrelatedly, not very good at tennis. My history with the sport goes back to being undefeated at the Beverly Hills Tennis Club summer camp for the one week I was enrolled, which also was the week Michael Jackson died. Anyways, then I would play with my mom but I would get so PSYCHO GIRL tries to sing I will always love you when I lost that she decided to move forward with not playing with me. Flash forward to grad school and now tennis is the one joy in my bleak, bleak life! I have been playing so much tennis I essentially am getting an MFA from the Iowa Tennis Workshop.
I am writing this on the day Djokovic beat Carlos Alcaraz in the quarterfinals of the Australian Open (for the uninformed, that’s good). It was a rather simple four sets, especially given the fact that many didn’t know if Djoko was done-zo or not. I mean, he’s 37. In tennis years, that’s like 45 (remember, I am very young). 2024 was the first year Djokovic truly showed his age, dropping from #1 in the world to #7 and not picking up any major titles for the first time since 2017. He also tore his meniscus at the French Open, which usually has a 6-8 week recovery time, but then he came back three weeks later at Wimbledon and made it to the finals and we were all sort of like, huh?? He must be just CHOWING down on Hungarian toddlers’ stem cells.
And that’s the thing with Djokovic. He definitely sold his soul to the devil. He’s always been my least favorite of the Big Three. He has none of the grace of Federer nor Nadal’s grit. He’s certainly not divorced from Tatum O’Neal a là John McEnroe.
Novak’s game is just a bit… boring? He might very well be a robot. His life, on and off the court, is endlessly routinized and optimized. In 2011, Djokovic famously went gluten-free and vegan, which he credits with saving his tennis career: "My allergies abated; my asthma disappeared; my fears and doubts were replaced by confidence. I have not had a serious cold or flu in nearly three years.” This is also the same logic that led to him getting kicked out of Australia in 2022 for not being vaccinated (did no one think to call him No-Vax Djokovic? This newsletter is free BTW).
Like any good hot girl, he explained what he eats in a day on his website:
Breakfast:
Warm water with lemon for detox.
Celery juice on an empty stomach.
Green smoothie with algae and fruit.
Morning snack: Muesli with organic oats, cranberries, raisins, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, and almonds.
Lunch:
Mixed green salad.
Gluten-free pasta primavera with rice pasta, zucchini, asparagus, sun-dried tomatoes, and optional vegan cheese.
Afternoon Snack:
Apple with cashew butter.
Melon.
Dinner:
Salad with avocado and homemade dressing.
Carrot and ginger soup.
Hey, don’t have too much fun! I know I am supposed to feel awe and terror for his dedication but doesn’t this seem rather … pedestrian? I mean, this is the diet of an average CW day player in 2009. I’m not buying it.
I think the woo-woo goes deeper than just warm water with lemon. In his 2013 autobiography Serve to Win, he wrote of a "researcher" who directed "anger, fear, hostility" at a glass of water, which turned "slightly green" after a few days, while also directing "love, joy" at another glass of water, which remained "bright and crystal clear" in the same period. That is literally the plot of Wicked! I think there’s much more to Djokovic we’re not seeing.
I bring this up to show how insane it is that Djokovic has a wine brand. Djokovic hasn't had alcohol, or any chewing food, in at least 15 years. It would be more realistic for him to release a line of Russian petrochemicals that trick your body into photosynthesis.
What seems more likely is that Novak is only participating in this brand so that his uncle, Goran, can have something to do. Honestly sweet!
The winery was founded by Goran Djokovic in 2016 on 5 hectares in the Šumadija area of Central Serbia, which is where I’m having my wedding. Apparently, Serbia has been producing wine for centuries and has grapes native to its soil. I don’t know much about Serbia, other than a few good Eurovision acts, but I do do a Borat impression when I think about it (googling if it’s possible to be racist against Serbians).
I get wanting to use your famous nephew’s name to promote your brand. I mean, Novak essentially owns Serbia. He gets name-dropped a lot on the Djokovic Winery website and it’s often out of nowhere. “There are many challenges, but we try to achieve the maximum in this business, as in everything. Even Novak’s every hit with the racket is not perfect, but he is still the best in the world.”
But I think it’s ironic to use Djokovic’s name to promote a product when we all know he doesn’t eat human food. His family also has a chain of restaurants called Novak 1, which features menu items like “baked pasta with turkey” and “beef kebabs with clotted cream” and has a terracotta sculpture of the tennis star by the front door. This, too, gave Novak a gluten-induced headache. In 2012 it was alleged that Djokovic bought the entire world’s supply of a rare Serbian donkey cheese for the restaurant, which sells for $2000 a pound. But Novak quickly clarified that the donkey cheesemongers “came to our restaurant and they offered the operation. We are now thinking and seeing what we can do with that.” It apparently tastes like Manchego. I, for one, hope the deal goes through.
So how is the wine? Djokovic Winery produces a Chardonnay and a Syrah. I could not find the Chardonnay so I can only speak for the 2023 Syrah. And it was bad! It had a meaty aroma with black fruit and wet stone, with some floral tones, spice and wood. It was heavy to the boots, muddy and flat. I was genuinely grossed out!
Although, maybe I was thinking angry thoughts about it.
He's no Agassi either, that's for sure....