Foghat's Foghat Cellars

ROCK AND ROLL NEVER DIES!!!!!

Hello, Cleveland!

This one really needs no introduction. The symphonists of the slide guitar, the big boys of boogie rock. It’s the wine you’ve all been waiting for. Everyone’s favorite early ‘70s blues-rock act that is neither Lynyrd Skynyrd or ZZ Top: it’s Foghat!!! 🎸🤘

The great thing about eclipsed rock bands is that they are very much still around. If you happen to live in Oshkosh or Hackensack or Flagstaff, there is a 99% chance that Foghat is splitting the bill with Styx at any given time. In fact, there’s still time to book a room on this year’s ‘70s Rock and Romance cruise alongside several Creedence Clearwater Revival cover bands.

Foghat may not be Lilith Fair, nor Liz Phair, but they certainly are County Fair. The mediocre denizens of the Fair and Casino circuit — be they Foghat or War or Jefferson Starship — fulfills a certain cultural function: the filler stuff, albeit not the most Proust-ian, can be especially transportive and nostalgic. Middling bands make up our lives.

The members of Foghat all look like they have a booth at the flea market where they sell Funko Pops much higher than their market value and don’t seem to want customers so they can just hang out in plastic chairs and it’s like have you made any money today? Do you know what I mean?

Foghat is no one’s favorite band. Their sound did not transition well into the ‘80s like Fleetwood Mac nor was their aesthetic original enough to be preserved as culturally significant. You would have to listen to Sirius XM’s 70s on 7 for a few hours before you ever hear a peep out of “Lonesome” Dave Peverett.

But for a blip of time they were (mildly) big. The three years between 1972 and 1975 were very good to Foghat — a nonsense word birthed from a hand of Scrabble tiles — delivering them four gold albums and a platinum record in Fool for the City.

Foghat in their heyday.

But no Foghat Song is bigger than Slow Ride, their one true hit.

I personally know Slow Ride from Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. SLOW RIDE (yellow, red, green), TAKE IT EASY (yellow, red, green). It was the easiest song in the game, the first song in the first tier. There my friends were, absolutely shredding Devil Went Down to Georgia, and I was there like, another round of Slow Ride, anyone?

Slow Ride is the same repeated three chords with a cheesy guitar solo pasted in. Slow Ride does not go hard. Once you hear an 8-count bar, you get it. There is only one verse, which reads like a Zen Koan written by that one asshole monk at the monastery:

I'm in the mood/

The rhythm is right/

Move to the music/

We can roll all night.

It is about sex but it is also about cars and rock ‘n’ roll and also about being epic and wearing aviator sunglasses, okay?

Foghat has Old Guys Rule energy

Listen, I don’t expect Foghat to give me a cerebral lyricism like they’re some kind of Fiona Apple with handlebar mustaches. And that’s kind of what I love about hard rock. It’s so, so stupid. Slow Ride can roll on for ever. On that last “woo!” perhaps you find yourself right back at the top, a perfect loop to scratch the mindless itch of your pleasure centers. It’s music meant to be blasted so loud in your murdered-out 1987 Honda cabriolet you get a head high.

As the story goes, in 2007 Foghat performed at the California Mid State Fair in Paso Robles and a local winemaker named Steve (who also happened to be a longtime Foghat-head) thought Foghat would make a perfect name for a wine label in the Central Coast of California, where the rolling fog covers the grapes.

So alongside their busy touring schedule they turned to viticulture. Sure, this might seem like a pivot, but there is nothing more elder-rocker than dropping out and turning to the earth. It’s why every other bassist now practices transcendental meditation. It’s why every indie sleaze DJs goes vegan. But at least this hobby can produce some merch…

The boys, especially Robert Earl, got very involved in the winemaking process and bottled their first vintage in 2008. Their final vintage, however, was in 2014. Sad! It was difficult to obtain information because their website seems like it has not been updated since 1999. Their wines are allegedly available in dozens of combination sushi-and-steak bistros in and around Long Island but further investigation revealed most of these restaurants are closed, no longer carry Foghat Cellars, or, in fact, never existed in the first place.

Here is a photo of Roger Earl after I guess getting both of his hands replaced.

With all of this, I estimated that the order I placed late last week would vanish quicker than an 8-ball in Keith Richard’s hotel room. But my bottles of Chardonnay and Pinot Noir arrived at my door promptly. I wonder who is still fulfilling these Foghat Cellars orders.

The Foghat Monterey Chardonnay 2014 had a delicate nose of white peach, fig and white flowers. But it drank heavy with a really strong taste of alcohol. It was sweet and thick to the point of it drinking like a dessert wine.

The Foghat Monterey County Pinot Noir 2013 exhibited some nice jammy and spicy characteristics. This wine felt a bit smoky and woody, but it also drank very, very heavy. It didn’t feel fresh and had no brightness or acidity. It drank with an almost garbabe-y (or perhaps I am confusing that for burning rubber, my palate is not so developed) finish.

But maybe that’s the palate of a rock ‘n’ roller and I just can’t hang. I could see pairing these wines with a chili cheese dog at the Barnstable County fair. Rock on players!