Cardi B's Whipshots

Come from the vodka, stay for the nitrous oxide.

This week I am trying Cardi B’s vodka-infused whipped cream brand Whipshots ($18 each at Bevmo. Available in three flavors: vanilla, caramel and mocha).

I missed Los Angeles. I missed texting and driving. I missed underemployed people. I missed stores that no one has ever been to that sell matcha mint nutella donuts on a stick. Joan Didion once said this.

But I was in Los Angeles for a week because I missed my mommy. And I was also here to try Cardi B’s Whipshots, which is currently only available in 11 incredible Midwestern states plus California.

My friend Eli sent me a photo of the can last week. “I know it doesn’t count as wine.” Still, it felt like a worthy inquiry.

Cardi B’s brand of vodka-infused whipped cream has been around since December of 2021, and sold out within hours of dropping. The idea of spraying alcohol into your mouth is novel and — to some people, I’m guessing — fun. It’s a shelf-stable non-dairy whipped cream, so congrats to the IBS girls and the survivalists who want to have some fun.

What’s fascinating to me is that Whipshots markets itself as a luxury drink. They use this word expressly. The drink (food? goo?) is a “playful shot of sophistication” and its followers are part of the “Bougie Gang”. Quite reverently, the Whipshots’ parent company Starco notes that “Whipshots isn’t just a product, but rather a portal that urges party people everywhere to indulge their curiosity and let their inhibitions go.” I love when products are a portal!!

Each Whipshot bottle contains 10% ABV. But my question is: what does this mean in aerated non-dairy form? Like, does one Whipshot equal one shot of vodka? How much is one whipshot? I could not find the nutritional information anywhere online, which might have shed light on a serving size. But maybe that’s the point: This product isn't something to get you drunk. It’s something to get you drunker.

Cardi B is a partner, and brand sponsor, of this drink (or alcoholic whippit? Popper?). What’s interesting is that Starco Brands, Whipshots’ parent company, is not really in the alcohol industry, but rather in the spray bottle space. Their other products are a popcorn seasoning spray, a stainless steel polish and a natural deodorant.

Having watched a lot of Whipshots promotional videos, I’ve seen a lot of people getting whipshot-ed. That is, I’ve seen a lot of party promoters (and sometimes Cardi herself) shoot the stuff into peoples’ mouths.

Not to sound like I went to Vassar or anything, but there’s something so violent about the idea of squirting whipped cream. I mean — putting metaphors of the cum shot aside — it’s gruesome. The receiver, despite their alleged bemusement, always looks deeply in pain. It’s that moment of anticipation, the fear of the unknown hand: mouth open, eyes closed, butt cheeks clenched in Fashion Nova mini skirts. And then, the money shot.

My sweet mother getting Whipshot-ed.

On my second day home, I went to the Bevmo on Santa Monica to do my due diligence. But since they were 18 dollars each (!!!) I only grabbed the vanilla flavor.

I thought it was important to drink (toke? huff?) the stuff in the right context. But I had no plans to do bottle service at 1 Oak anytime soon. So I thought I could bring the bottle to a bar I was going to with some friends. But I forgot it.

So I did a Whipshot with my mother.

On the Whipshots website, there is an animated wheel that picks which body part your partner should lick cream off of. My mother landed on “side of neck.” Our game was over.

But my mother and I did take two or three non-sexual rips off the Whipshot. Our reactions were immediate and unrestrained: I hated the stuff. It was like drinking the concept of heat that was also sweaty. The whipped cream was certainly not as aerated as the non-alcoholic stuff, but that classic taste of synthetic vanilla was pretty spot on.

My distaste for Whipshots is definitely wrapped up in my distaste of vodka. I mean, vodka is Purell. There’s no flavor. It’s just a burning sensation. Any attempt to doctor that poison is like putting lipstick on a pig.

But Whipshots are not just for spraying in your mother’s mouth. They also can be a topping to a drink. All over Whipshots’ social media are drink ideas, as invented by the company’s chief mixology consultant Rob Floyd.

Rob Floyd, decked in tight vests and male botox, is a featured player on Bar Rescue, the Spike TV reality show hosted by hospitality consultant Jon Taffer, who just screams at people to add more high-top tables to their bar. It’s a great show. There really are a breathless amount of failing restaurants in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. It’s like, how can a mid-sized metroplex really have so many middling tapas joints?

Rob Floyd basically just takes normal drinks and adds Whipshots to them. But they all just look worse with the addition of the whipped cream. That’s not great for the brand.

To me, one rip of a Whipshot is enough. But I did get a bit tipsy. Though perhaps that was the nitrous oxide.

Wouldn’t you rather just have the daiquiri?