Brooklyn Beckham’s WESAKE

Drink it at your manor in Shorewichshirecester or in Brentwood.

Brooklyn Beckham is, first and foremost, a little foodie cuck boy. Do I sound like I have a Reddit account? Maybe. Brooklyn is the type to wait with baited breath for a Salt Bae location to open in Fort Lauderdale. Jiro is one of his reply guys. He says his favorite meal is from some place called “wagyumafia,” a Tokyo-based chain that sells $185 steak sandos.

He’s all about having totally epic meals with the most delicate and expensive ingredients and giving them the Las Vegas bloviating, excess treatment (now I am fully The Menu-ing).

Which is why his favorite restaurant is Nobu. Brooklyn is always at Nobu. “Me want miso gwazed sashimiiiii,” he says in baby-voice to Nicola. He can get a table at any 10-seat omakase counter faster than you can say “do you know who my father is?”

Which brings us to the sake. You might be the thinking: Brooklyn Beckham is about as Japanese as Gwen Stefani. What’s the deal?

To which I’d say, his culture is not a costume! It’s just that his culture is Nobu.

Brooklyn alongside fellow chef, Nobu Matsuhisa.

Brooklyn loves sake. “For the past few years I’ve been trying different types of Sake … since I’m obsessed with Japanese style,” he told Interview.

My computer really does not want me to type WESAKE. It keeps trying to autocorrect it to ‘weak.’ It’s a pretty incoherent name, stylistically. I instinctually want to pronounce it weSAKE. Or Wes Ake? Is it We SaKE? For goodness sake!

However you say it, WESAKE was founded in December of 2021 by Pablo Rivera, an entrepreneur in the drinks space. Many Americans, Rivera noticed, have no idea what sake is. This canned version then, is supposed to dumb it down for us (fair). “I hate America,” WESAKE says. The questions they answer in the FAQ section of their website reads like a twisted google search algorithm: “Can you get drunk on sake?”

And that, then, is the novelty of this sake in a can. It’s for dudes. As Rivera said, “the idea behind the name is meant to highlight the communal aspect of the drink: as their website says: “Sake is best enjoyed with company - our name, WESAKE, is an invitation to discover sake together.”

But cans are inherently antisocial. They’re single-serving. If you wanted a truly communal experience, why not put it in a bottle?

Brooklyn joined WESAKE in November 2022 as a co-founder and partner. He says his sake pairs best with “English food, Italian, beef Wellington.” At the time, he said his reason for joining the company was that it “unites many of my different passions, including my love for Japan and my love for sake.”

Brooklyn is mostly known for having “passions.”

His first passion was photography, and he put together a book in 2017, What I See, of David Beckham making silly faces and a blurry portrait of an elephant (“so hard to photograph, but incredible to see”).

People snickered. But I get Brooklyn Beckham because I, too, forced my mother to buy me a DSLR camera. No one talks about it but photography is actually so hard. I am constantly trying to Nan Goldin and it just doesn’t work.

But as Brooklyn told Variety last year, photography was just a phase, mom. “I was still trying to find that one thing I would literally die for, and I found that with cooking.” I’m sure Victoria is constantly taking Brooklyn into the kitchen at River Cafe and forcing all the cooks to stop so Brooklyn can chop parsley really really fast.

Brooklyn had a cooking show earlier this year, “Cookin’ With Brooklyn,” which sort of self-destructed after a New York Post exposè alleged the show cost $100k per 10ish minute episode, required 60 crew members and a cheat sheet of basic cooking instructions for Brooklyn to follow.

That didn’t stop him! He most recently took to Instagram to cook a Sunday roast that inspired actual death threats. Brooklyn is the only person who gets this much vitriol for meat. People were literally in the comments saying “Jesus save you all <3” about rare beef!

I do feel bad for the Beckham children. We simultaneously want them to get jobs and yet, when they do, we ridicule them for being bad at them. Why can’t we let them dive off of cliffs in peace? Victoria will do anything to get her kids to find a hobby. That is how we got the instant classic Cruz Beckham banger “If Every Day Were Christmas.”

But unlike, say, the perennially put-upon Chrissy Teigen, Brooklyn takes the jeers on his chiseled chin. This is what makes him fun: he is willing to be a nuisance, to so publicly be a jester.

So he’ll keep throwing Rao’s pasta to the wall and seeing what sticks. And for now, he is hooked on sake.

So how was it? Fine. It felt pretty one note, with an overall taste of sweetness and hints of melon and grapefruit. It’s not very crisp or refreshing. It tastes like the second cheapest sake you can get at the local sushi bar. But it’s probably fine for what it is: a dope drink to have at your local awesome ramen joint with your fucking boys.

I hope Brooklyn gets into acting next. Stick him in Avatar: 6 or To Leslie: 2.